Friday, July 23, 2010

The Girls Guide to Football: Atlanta Falcons

Tony Gonzalez, America's second favorite vegetarian NFL player


A few years ago, as part of our craven attempts to usher the SportSquee readers into football fandom, we produced a series dissecting each team in the NFL. Since that time, and especially in the last six months, there have been major changes in the National Football League, necessitating a fresh look at guiding you toward your new favorite football team. Consider us the Match.com of fans and football teams.

Team: Atlanta Falcons
Division: NFC South
Famous For: Having a herpes-spreading, fight dog-killing quarterback
Headlining Alumni: Michael Vick
Quarterback(s): Matt Ryan

Why You Should Root For Them: Two years ago, the Falcons had fallen about as far as a team can fall. Their franchise QB was heading to jail, their coach hiked up his skirt and ran away to college football, and they just plain sucked. They brought in a new coach Mike Smith, drafted Boston College's Matt Ryan, and picked up LaDainian Tomlinson's back-up Michael Turner. Now let's be honest, two years ago, we were definitely not drinking the Matt Ryan Kool-Aid (losing $20 to my cousin on that bet), nor did we think this Michael Turner guy would do much of anything. However, the Falcons exploded out of the gate, becoming one of the happier stories of the season until they lost in the Wild Card game. Ryan looked like a patient vet, Turner led the league in rushing, and Coach Smith looked like a genius. Also, they uncovered great receviers in Roddy White (who you can think of as a Muppet Babies version of Larry Fitzgerald and Michael Jenkins, and then they grabbed Tony Gonzalez from the Chiefs. So, between the relentless running game and the receiving threats, this is a pretty balanced offense. The 2009 Falcons weren't nearly as successful as they were in Ryan's rookie year, but this is still a team with growth potential. You may want to catch them on the way up. Also, their owner, Arthur Blank, always looks like he just hopped off stage from a community theatre production of Guy and Dolls. Love it.

Why You Shouldn't Root For Them : The Falcons no longer employ SportSquee's Favorite Person Alive Warrick Dunn. So, there's that. Also, if you still have malingering feelings about Ron Mexico's Kennel of Death, then, I'm sure the Falcons (and the Eagles) are not for you.


Potential Boyfriends: Matt Ryan, Tony Gonzalez, Warrick Dunn forever!

10 comments:

陳韋夏陳韋夏益東富益東富 said...

每日都有新日光,每日都有新希望。..................................................

Jess said...

I literally squealed when I saw that SportSquee had been updated, and I don't even like football! :D

劉士賢 said...

Many a little makes a mickle..................................................................

ToryO_Vis建銘 said...

Poverty is stranger to industry.........................................

秀李樺 said...

人生中最好的禮物就是屬於自己的一部份............................................................

雅明修任 said...

良好的開端,已是成功的一半。..................................................

凱許倫 said...

生存乃是不斷地在內心與靈魂交戰;寫作是坐著審判自己。..................................................

文瓊王王慧山 said...

Necessity is the mother of invention.......................................................................

靜蔡蔡蔡蔡怡 said...

多謝分享~ 真是意料之外的收獲!!..................................................................

8468 said...

我來湊熱鬧的~~^^ 要平安快樂哦..................................................