Pictured: The Spirit of the New England Patriots
Editor's note: I am a Jets fan. To say that I hate the Patriots is a gross, gross understatement. I would rather bear Derek Jeter's triplets and name them A-Rod, Sean Avery, and Roger Clemens and raise them as carnivorous Scientologists rather than say a positive thing about the Patriots. The following Girls Guide will be rife with prejudice and naked animosity.
Team: New England Patriots
Division: AFC East
Notoriety: They are cheating cheaters who got caught sneaking a member of their staff onto the field to record the opposing teams defensive schemes, uncovering more instances of similar illegal recording, a covered-up walk-through of the Super Bowl Rams' facility, and an unpenalized instance of miking their linemen to record opposing teams' audibles. Coach also has bitch tits.
Quarterback(s): Tom Brady, Gisele Buttchin
Why You Should Root For Them: The Patriots are winners. They win. They'll keep winning. Unfortunately, they will be just as good, if not better, than last year. It's so easy to root for the Patriots, in that way. If you are a weak-willed sports fan. The more noble ones root for the teams that make them work to love them. If you suck, you should totes root for the Patriots.
Why You Shouldn't Root For Them: They're the Patriots. They're an empire of EVIL. There's the cheating, and the bitch tits, and all those Massholes who root for them. You can't root for the Pats. You just can't. Unless you already root for the Yankees. And then, it just seems to sort of natural.
Potential Boyfriends: Satan, Beelzebub, Tom Brady
3 comments:
What she said. Hhhhaaaaaattttteeeee.
The ONLY redeeming thing about the Patriots is WATCHING THEM LOSE!!!!!
and Wes Welker, I would so hit Welker.
i love only tedy bruschi and tedy online but other than that i will relish the superbowl hangover. but yeah i would totally do tedy.
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