Thursday, May 01, 2008

Would You Hit It?: Marc-Andre the Giant


Kneel before Flower!

We don't give him a whole lot of love around here, but I think we can all agree the Marc-Andre Fleury has been badass in the playoffs. Like, Jim Brown-level badass. It was a fairly unpleasant year for him, with his lackluster start to the season, the mysterious and not-at-all suspicious ankle sprain that knocked him out of goal for several months, and the usurpation of his job by Ty Conklin. So the redemption of the Fleury is a nice secondary storyline to the larger, bloody epic currently known as "The Malkining of the Rangers." Editor's note: this was written before the Rangers win tonight. Having more than proven himself against one of the best goalies and hottest teams in the NHL, Fleury has proven himself on the ice. But do you think he cares? You know that when he goes home at night, to tweeze his eyebrows and polish the glass casing that enshrines his old yellow pads, his only concern is whether or not he will find acceptance in the arms of SportSquee's readers. There certainly are a lot of girls who thinks he's quite squooshy, as a quick Google search will point out. But will he make the cut here? We put it to you, readers, Marc-Andre Fleury: Would you Hit It?

Yes: Tall; those yellow pads were so, so awesome; nickname is Flower; was a number one overall draft pick; agile; earned his job back after he was injured; teeth; has had his number retired by his junior team; creamy skin; has been so damn good in this post-season; looks like he could be a member of Duran Duran! Squee!

No: Skinny; no longer has those yellow pads; Marc-Andre Fleury is a whole lot of name to call out; is not the best number one draft pick on his team; his secret life as a simian-like kung fu expert; took many months to recover from an ankle sprain (nope, not suspicious at all); teeth; almost got Conk-blocked out of his job; hair; was so damn not good at the start of this season; looks like a chick

Verdict: No. Not without the yellow pads.

12 comments:

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

He DOES look like he could be in Duran Duran. I never noticed that before.

Not I keep seeing him in a felt fedora.

Ms. Conduct said...

Sorry kid. Get Fatso to share his pizza with you this summer at Goalie Camp and then we'll talk.

Caitlin said...

*small voice*

I'd hit it.

Great stuff, as always, Margee. :D

wildchild said...

No, thank you. I'll pass.

I'm not sure I'd hit anybody on that Penguins team....

Q-girl said...

ewwww kneel before flower. That is more than just hitting it. No thanks.

On the day MAF returned to his junior team CB (home sweet home) for the retirement of his jersey number, the team lost 3-1 to dreamy Jonathan Bernier and the Lewiston Maineiacs. MAF is bad luck.

...but do call me when former CB Screaming Eagles goalie Ondrej Pavelec (Atl) needs some loving.

Bethany said...

Nooooooooooo

Kat said...

I don't know if I'd hit it, But I'd definitely cuddle with it and take it out for coffee.

Kirsten said...

No, his teeth are bigger than Peca's.

Cat said...

*high fives Caitlin*

I'd hit it, too!

Elly said...

Ouch! Such harsh reviews for such a goalie that deserves love.

I will proudly proclaim a yes! Early and often just for the love of his badassery.

Sigh, I do miss those yellow pads, though.

Tracy said...

I think I might... I don't mind big teeth as long as there are teeth in the skull.

I have one condition - he must use the phrase "conk-blocked" before the act of hitting or else he's booted.

Life_As_A_Redhead said...

NO.

While he does deserve drools, for being a badass (popping that rangers guy in the nuts AT THE END OF THE GAME NOLESS and avoiding a penelty for it).

No, I'll stick with my blonds, Staals, drool, slurp, Staals.