Finally, a Boomtown! We have a frontrunner in the Squeeastern Conference. The Sabres jettisoned their two least cute players, maybe you heard. The loss of Drury and Briere, if you listen to commentators, is going to destroy the Buffalo Sabres. I don't buy it. The Sabres rolled 3.5 good lines all year and like Cylons they were able to regenerate from within through multiple injuries. So it's entirely possible that Chris Drury's consciousness has been downloaded into Derek Roy's body already. Heather B. , SportSquee executive consultant, Hlog sister, and proprietor of rad Sabres blog Top Shelf was kind enough to sift through the hotties for us and provide the photographic evidence.
We'll open with Jochen Hecht, zee German who excels on faceoffs and stinkeyes. Now that Alexei Yashin has been driven from the NHL, Hecht might have the most effective dirty look in the league. He's been plagued by scoring inconsistency, but is a solid all-around player and will probably shine with the increased responsibility. Luckily, his hotness has never been inconsistent, because a strong chin and tastefully spiky hair score game in and game out. Then there's Paul Gaustad, the enforcer and homecoming king. I hope he sees more ice time, mostly because his is a face that should be on camera as much as possible. Do you see him in that tie? He'd be such a good date for the eighth grade dance! The Sabres also have Henrik Tallinder, a long, lean sylph of a reliable defenseman. He has a very serious chin. Way more serious than his teammate Hecht. It'll totally put your eye out if you piss him off. He has the pale good looks of a Williamsburg poet-barrista, all he's missing is a pretentious hat and a leatherbound journal for me to confuse him with one of my ex-boyfriends. And then, of course, there's SportSquee's Favorite Hockey Player Alive of 2006,Tim Connolly. My boy is one of the most creative playmakers in the NHL and a former Islander. He's fast, shifty, and can think on his feet. Too bad he's usually on his back. And, no, I did not mean that to be as dirty as it sounded. Frequently concussed, Connolly will be relied upon to bring the Drury in the lockerroom and the Briere on the ice. There is no reason to think he can't do it, but he needs to keep that doughy head of his under wraps. But not the face. That has to be the cutest gerbil face in hockey and the most tasteful big teeth in the game. There's a reason he's my husband, you know. The rest of the roster fills out nicely, with good utility looks from the rest of the team. And of course, SportSquee would be remiss if kiss-him-or-diss-him Ryan Miller went unmentioned. We think he looks like a Dali painting mated with a Picasso painting and had a goalie. But some love him. Regardless, he is a stingy goalie and should continue to bring the heat.
MVP: Ryan Miller
MVSquee: Henrik Tallinder